18 October 2009


I wasn't sure if I was ever going to blog this but, I am kind of at a point where I gotta get it out there. For the past few months I've been taking Accutane (well, the generic, Claravis).
I've had acne for as long as I can remember. Its always had ups and downs, some months worse than others. I finally realized that antibiotics, creams, cleaning, or anything else I'd tried was going to work at my college graduation when my makeup wasn't doing the trick to cover it and I wouldn't let anyone get a photo up close. I had been planning to start it, but I wasn't thrilled about it until that point.
I jumped through the hoops of getting the meds (blood work, pregnancy tests, doctors) and finally started it at the end of May. I was so excited. A miracle drug that would clear up my face and keep me clear forever. This is a good point to mention that I only have acne on my face, in fact I barely have pores anywhere else. The thought of not feeling self conscious for once sustained me through the first few months.
Anyone who has taken Accutane can tell you that it is not a pretty process. The side effects are scary, and your skin gets worse ( a lot worse) before it gets better. I was still optimistic.
Until now.
I pretty much started this blog to take my mind off the mental and physical side effects of the drug and give me something to focus on and keep me writing. I decided that serious job hunting would require a confidence that I lack with acne which is why I am still living home and working two jobs that I don't really care about. I miss writing, reporting, and broadcasting though. I know that until I finish this I don't have the energy or confidence to do any of those things.
My face was never worse than it was this summer. I only started letting people take my picture again recently because I have a great makeup (Even Better by Clinique!) and because my skin really is starting to look a lot smoother.
Its not better than it was before this though and that is why I am so upset that I had to switch health insurance. With my family health insurance my birth control which I am required to be on was covered, my appointments with my dermatologist were covered, blood tests, meds (including my inhalers for my asthma--completely unrelated but its necessary to know) were all covered. I admit, I was spoiled because my Claravis only cost $5 a month!
Now, under Aenta's Healthy New York plan I pay A LOT, and none of the things I need is covered. I went to the pharmacy on Friday to pick up my pack of Claravis and it was $1100. I started crying. The pharmacist and my dermatologist talked and they are trying to see what they can do. But even if they can convince the company to cover some of the cost, it will still be incredibly expensive.
All weekend I have been in tears about this. I know you might think I am vain to think that this is a "real" problem, but all I want is to literally be comfortable in my skin. I'm not sure what is going to happen next, hopefully I will be able to finish the last 2 or 3 months of my course. If I can't I don't know what will happen to my skin if it will get better, or worse, or stay the same. Right now I'm just really stressed out and depressed. I know the depression is from the meds, internally and externally, but its really hard not to dwell on it.
For reference (and this is really embarrassing because its edited to make my skin look better) is what I looked like in June.


  1. Hi Kallie, please, don't give up. I used to have an extremely bad skin, it's not great now either but I came to terms with it and learnt to cover it better. I've never used any strong meds, apart from antibiotics long time ago but that worked only for a while. When you finish your Accutane, why don't you try some natural remedies, like burdock root tablets (they helped me a bit to even the skin tone and made the scars look lighter) and tea tree oil lotion. That should help you to keep the skin in good condition once you give up the meds. You look very nice on that picture by the way! Hope things will go well for you. Take care xxx

  2. Hi,

    Thank you for stopping by my blog- your baking below looks just as yummy.

    But more importantly, i know it's easy to say when it isn't happening to you persay but i think you are truly beautiful. And please, please don't give up- your confidence is worth fighting for, believe me on that. My Dad is a Dr and specialises in dermatology- he has treated patients with severe acne who have tried many, many products and has seen them improve. You should never feel worried about feeling vain- you have nothing to apologise for, if others were in your position i doubt they would all be fighting as hard as you.
    I'm glad you have your blog, mine is a similar distraction mechanism from my own probelms and i hope that you ca carry on writing.

  3. I don't think your vain. I hope things get figured out lovely *hugs and love* xx

  4. Try not to get to down about things. I'm hoping everything works out for you!

  5. $1100!! That sounds crazy, no wonder you were upset.
    I really hope things work out.
    In the UK we have such a different healthcare service, it's in a mess, but at least we don't get heavy bills like that for meds! I can't understand it. Crazy.
    Please don't give up, I hope you'll find a solution. xx

  6. oh you're so not vain. I know what it's like to have a bad skin and how much your self-confidence depends on it. Glad everything got figured out.
    1100$ what the hell...

  7. hey Kallie . no need to feel that bad about yourself . your acnes are not the end of your life . i understand that $1100 is freakin' high , but i think there's better alternatives for that .
    dont worry . you'll find it :D

    thanks for the comment on my blog by the way :)

  8. Miss Kallie--

    I haven't checked your blog in forever and back at PSU I checked it everyday...even in front of you in class.

    So I went on your Facebook and noticed you totally changed the name of your blog etc.

    I'm commenting on this post specifically, even though it's not the most recent, because I thought it was the most raw, honest, real and sincere post I've read. That took confidence to even write about something that one would consider to be so personal since it affects you so much...props to you my friend, I would never be able to be that open. This is why you're amazing and this is why I read your blog.

    Things will come together before you know it, I promise. Just keep writing, smiling, taking awesome photographs and wearing amazing clothes. ;)

    xo Lauren

  9. I don't think your vain. I hope things get figured out lovely *hugs and love* xx

  10. I am truly delighted to read this post regarding Accutane, which contains plenty of helpful facts, thanks for providing these data. Great article, exactly what I needed.



Thanks for stopping by!

happy, honey & lark. All rights reserved. © Maira Gall.