I've had acne for as long as I can remember. Its always had ups and downs, some months worse than others. I finally realized that antibiotics, creams, cleaning, or anything else I'd tried was going to work at my college graduation when my makeup wasn't doing the trick to cover it and I wouldn't let anyone get a photo up close. I had been planning to start it, but I wasn't thrilled about it until that point.
I jumped through the hoops of getting the meds (blood work, pregnancy tests, doctors) and finally started it at the end of May. I was so excited. A miracle drug that would clear up my face and keep me clear forever. This is a good point to mention that I only have acne on my face, in fact I barely have pores anywhere else. The thought of not feeling self conscious for once sustained me through the first few months.
Anyone who has taken Accutane can tell you that it is not a pretty process. The side effects are scary, and your skin gets worse ( a lot worse) before it gets better. I was still optimistic.
I pretty much started this blog to take my mind off the mental and physical side effects of the drug and give me something to focus on and keep me writing. I decided that serious job hunting would require a confidence that I lack with acne which is why I am still living home and working two jobs that I don't really care about. I miss writing, reporting, and broadcasting though. I know that until I finish this I don't have the energy or confidence to do any of those things.
My face was never worse than it was this summer. I only started letting people take my picture again recently because I have a great makeup (Even Better by Clinique!) and because my skin really is starting to look a lot smoother.
Its not better than it was before this though and that is why I am so upset that I had to switch health insurance. With my family health insurance my birth control which I am required to be on was covered, my appointments with my dermatologist were covered, blood tests, meds (including my inhalers for my asthma--completely unrelated but its necessary to know) were all covered. I admit, I was spoiled because my Claravis only cost $5 a month!
Now, under Aenta's Healthy New York plan I pay A LOT, and none of the things I need is covered. I went to the pharmacy on Friday to pick up my pack of Claravis and it was $1100. I started crying. The pharmacist and my dermatologist talked and they are trying to see what they can do. But even if they can convince the company to cover some of the cost, it will still be incredibly expensive.
All weekend I have been in tears about this. I know you might think I am vain to think that this is a "real" problem, but all I want is to literally be comfortable in my skin. I'm not sure what is going to happen next, hopefully I will be able to finish the last 2 or 3 months of my course. If I can't I don't know what will happen to my skin if it will get better, or worse, or stay the same. Right now I'm just really stressed out and depressed. I know the depression is from the meds, internally and externally, but its really hard not to dwell on it.For reference (and this is really embarrassing because its edited to make my skin look better) is what I looked like in June.